Let me not die in this wilderness. This desert is treacherous. Snakes, scorpions, manholes, demon-holes, darkness so thick I couldn’t find my mouth to eat.
I fear I haven’t much will left to fight. To do anything.
Lately I have thought more and more of you. Had moment after moment of quiet reflection; often pensively staring into the vast illusionary nothingness of the atmosphere around me.
You and I have walked this path together. Since 2004, and counting. Sometimes I have loved you with a fierce passionate obsession that no rational explanation can justify.
At other times I have only passed you a cursory greeting as I wake and when I am going to sleep.
Often we talk, and your voice like the wind nudges my spirit to dance and soar with you.
At other times, relentless you will drive me to do your will.
Every time I open my heart, my mind, my spirit, you are there. So within reach, I feel your love course through my veins. You love me so, I can’t understand why most days. How you defend and protect me baffles me always; awake, sleeping.
And yet coming to you is a mountain-climb, each step like that of a woman chained and can’t escape. But still, I make my way to you, and even though my steps are heavy, my heart soars, light as a brush of air with each step, eager to be tethered to you, always.
Now I know my choices are my own; and often I trip, fall on my face, get up again, only to stray back to my old ways.
But like a wounded bird you tend to all my injuries and nurse me back to health.
So I pray: Let me not die in this wilderness.
As I stand on this balcony and feel the brush of the wind on my face and in my hair, I wish I could fly with birds wings to you, wherever you are; but you remind me that you are right here, and were you solid, our embrace would be eternal.
You and I love endlessly.
I cannot escape you, and have no desire to escape you.
Now I am running. Running to you. I know your golden sceptre is forever held out. My eternal welcome. The curtain ripped in two when you gave your life for mine, awaits my entrance. And so I run. And as you the king of kings forever interceding for me rise up to meet me, my heart pours at your feet.
Like oil, I pool at your feet, afraid to lift my face. I am not sure the scent wafting off of me is pleasing, but you will not leave. You will not let go.
So I will ride with you, rising with the sun, and setting with it, in the knowledge, the sun will rise again, and again, and again, every other day.