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Olive Branches

"the depth of me"

Black and White #Ugblogweek

 

s2ykylx

 

I took a trek down memory lane, certain a vital piece of me had chipped off and tangled with the sands of time.

Certain the hour –glass was all churned up and spiraling out of control because of my mistakes, I carefully retraced my steps.

I was careful not to make any sudden unnecessary movements, lest I unsettle whatever last chance I had to put things to rights.

So I tiptoed-looking right, left, up, down- all in a bid to keep a grip on all the corners of my universe.

It couldn’t fall apart again. I wouldn’t let it.

But what struck me first was the crowd of people all around me. Each desperate to reclaim the good old times.

Some had swollen ankles, others bruised toes while most had cried themselves to numbness.

A woman before me eager for the time she’d been heavy with promise before the loss of her baby tried to reach out for the moment before it’d all fallen apart. To immortalize it so the joy would stay. But it rode out of reach on the wings of the morning mist.
And she kept jumping high as she could, but the past was past.

Then it dawned on me, no amount of going back in time would right whatever was already done. The salt I tasted on my tongue right then, regrets wasted.

As the hourglass tumbled to the floor, it occurred to me that I need to rush to the present and make sure to make every moment last forever.

No beginning….. no end…. #Ugblogweek

 

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My heart rejects comfort tonight.
She’d rather be ripped out:
says comfort is salt to the wound;
a pat on the back she will not have.

 

You can’t break something that isn’t she says
So if  shredded, obliterated and crushed underfoot, then-
all the pain will be gone forever.

Wings…winks…

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It is still too early. I know because I feel the damp  cool fingers of morning dew brush my tilted face. But my face feels hot. Some of the thoughts behind it.

Dreams of the night before. Interesting surreal stuff.

I was first lady of the United States of America. It was Michelle Obama’s fault.

It all started at some kind of charity event. Children. Lots of security.

She was taking me to the head of security to ensure my credentials were entered into the system.

He seemed surprised when I introduced myself. But quickly responded when he realized it was true.

Later we went to the White house. And all this time everyone seemed to fall in line behind the authority that had me there; even though to me it seemed unreal.

I examine the still dark sky for a sign this day will be beautiful. There’s music. Happy chirps, and squeals of delight from birds that herald this day with me.

‘Will this day be great?’ ‘Will this day be special?’

But before it sneaked up on me in the throes of a befuddled unconscious state of mind, I did not know I dreamed.

Hmmm. Deep breath. Whatever face this day shows, I am ready. Because dreams do come true.

SUN IN THE NIGHT

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I wanted the sun to shine in the night

I knew it would

because if anybody could bring the sun, you could

I wanted to remain dry in the heat of a hurricane

certain with you, anything is possible

I saw my wings every time I looked in the mirror with your face next to mine

 

You see, I saw the sun in every night

all you had was to look at me

and the stars would burst in song

all my senses alive with you

But you are an Illusion I can’t let go of.

 

And no, I don’t care for my heart now

its blind alleys leave me for dead

I can’t hold on, and yet I can’t let go

of my sun in the night

LET IT ALL OUT

 

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The colors are screaming red. The tires are screeching to a halt on the gravel. Light is exploding in my brain, my vision blurred with mist. I shield my eyes from the glare of the moon with my wrist.

Morning is a long way off, but I have to go. If I had the strength to let you in, I should be strong enough to let you go.

The stars stare at my still form now, on this quiet night and mock my shaky resolve.

They bear witness to what you no doubt can never see. The tears are clogged in my throat. I cannot let the moon see any more than he already has.

He might whisper secrets has has no business revealing.

Who says love should break me?  Logic fled my company ages ago. Because these steps I have taken with eyes closed.

Don’t ask me why.  Whether or not this is strength, I knew I had to let you go at some point.

But the road I stare at in this twilight is an empty one.

 

TEETERING

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My truest taste of wine, was off your lips. Deep in your mouth I found my tongue wrapped in the most exquisite love play.

Bursts and flames of sun and light and heat obliterated everything. Now drunk on you, I keep falling deeper each day.

A little unsteady, I am floating among the strings of the music you play.No more me; but an extension of you; only running as far as your arms’ length to be pulled right back.

Before I roamed, chased and hounded love. Love eluded me in turn. He circled me, baited me only to drop me a thousand feet with no safety net.

Like the wind parts the folds of red rose petals, your hands roam the walls of my heart, filling voids I didn’t know holed up inside me.

Light as the wind, caution is lost in translation.

 

Now the curtain falls and we both rush to pull it back up.

Piece by piece it all comes together. You on the first and last page and every moment in between.

Thoughts, hands, souls, skins aligned no breath in between.

 

MY HEART

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Let’s go to the place-
where flowers don’t wither and die but live forever
and when we ride the peak of sun-
our passions don’t scorch us to extinction

let’s make our home beyond the moon and stars
warm airsoft clouds our bed- devoid of thorns

 

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You.

A light bulb that warms my blood till my skin is clamoring to be shed.

 

No.

the time is never quite enough with you.

I sought logic’s counsel when I met you-

but logic deserted me upon diagnosis.

I forget every caution- my heart beats more than a little bit faster-

even my hands are not quite steady-

when you’re near.

 

And yet-

this cannot be-

You cannot be –

 

And yet you are-

that restlessness that will not let me be-

that impossible endless sweet dream at all hours-

awake- asleep-

your hands-
paint a universe for you and I-

where time stops and starts again-

at the sight of you-

at the sound of your voice-

in the warmth of your embrace,
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Mystical forest

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Daily I make my bed in this mystical forest,
with a diamond tear for a pillow,
on a ruby bed air-soft, I must be nestled between two cumulus clouds.
The grass under my feet is silky to the touch
In it I roll round and round till my head is spinning,
and time has stopped to the rhythm of my heartbeat.

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My friends in this mystical forest are right where they should be.
Giant golden birds sway to music from my lips.
Today I saw a sapphire phoenix standing on two feet.
Here the sun won’t stop shining,
and the Ancient of days has a crown for everyone,
living creatures-thousands and ten thousands- a choir sings
and their voices paint endless rows of rainbows.

And here I make my music

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Be thou my vision

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If the day should ever come,

and my eyes are no longer my own-

gorged out by world perceptions, concepts, conventions and opinions,

when black and white are the same,

and I can’t tell right from wrong-

 

Should the day ever come-

when your name is too leaden for my tongue-

and I am ashamed to admit I love you more than my life-

and the thought of spending time in your house sends me scampering for non-existent chores and excuses

-work assignments- friends- fatigue- family obligations-

 

If the day should ever come

that my eyes are mirrors of this world- consumed by the wisdom of this fallen universe-

Be thou my vision Elshaddai.

 

‘Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep his commandments.’

 

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