Olive Branches

"the depth of me"

For Lazarus Christ Wept… Would He weep over Me?



Holding this cup in my hand, I swirl its contents round and round. My eyes moving with it’s motion. I want to lose myself in the chaos in that cup. I want to forget. Turn my mind off. I can’t. So I deal.

Your word tells me you’re everywhere. So I take it you’re here. So why is it so quiet on your end, and yet so stormy- such a hurricane in my head?

I can’t sleep without hell wrecking havoc in my night and turning my dreams to nightmares.

The fear that I taste on my tongue; where did it come from? Why am I afraid of my own shadow?

Faith. Faith. Faith. One word. And yet, it’s everything.

Can you be my faith? Believe for me? I haven’t much will left to fight.

You promised to be strength in my weakness. Can you be my prayer today. You gave your life for mine.

Would I give mine for you. I’d love to think so.

On my right I watch the swaying motion of my cream curtains, and imagine my mind slowing down just a little.

I don’t need to understand everything but I want to.

I want to know the future. Even though there’s little I might change about it.

Peace that surpasses all human understanding. One more promise.

I could use some right now.  These lights that glow about me, like little stars I could hold in my hands. They remind of you.

I bet the word beautiful can’t describe you, because you are beyond description, or human comprehension.

So I can’t pretend to know your will; at least not right now. It appears your back is turned on me. Why? I don’t know. But am certain whatever it is, I can change your mind.

You wept for Lazarus, but you died for me.

Literally took captivity captive. Made the end a new beginning.

So I must be pretty important right. I am going to hang in there.

Wait in this silence that breaks my heart with each breath. I am going to hound you, and tear my skin off if need be, because someone who gave His life for me must love me right?

You made me just right. For a time of your choosing. And a purpose of your determination.

I am going to wait on your promise to give me your yolk which you say is easy.

Today I will just lay at your feet until you find some value for me that  I am unaware of.


Lover of my soul………


The candor of your love leaps off the pages of the universe this day.

You wrote me a letter last night; ‘I can’t wait for you to see the dawn tomorrow. I have painted it with you in mind.’

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Riding to work this morning, I saw your eyes in the fiery golden rays of the dawn of a new day.

I stumbled upon a rose; a lone red figure among greens, and thought: my friend must be saying hello.

So I looked at the moon, yet to completely fade and traced it with my palm. A wave to you.

Today I needed my best friend; so I closed my eyes and prayed for a  meet: and there we were, together, foreheads touching, in the heart of a rainbow.

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Today your crown stops my heart. Jasper. Gold pure as glass. Sapphire. Agate. onyx. Chalcedony. Emeralds. Ruby. Chrysolite. Beryl.Topaz. Turquoise. Jacinth. Amethyst. All these jewels winking at me.

My eyes blink open and close successively, staggered by you.

The walls around me are crafted in pearls clear as the air; I can see for miles on every side.

And the music. God, the music in your presence brings me to my knees. And when I cry, its for the exploding fireworks of joy in my heart.

I want to stay here. Forever. Like this. You weave time to your bidding, so nothing but you matters.

Now you hold two stars in your hands, between us. The play of light bouncing on and off. Are we dancing on light rays? Could we truly be dancing and flying all at once?

More than two millennia ago you put a crown on my head, but feeling abandoned I discarded it. Two millennia is a long time

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Even so, I have felt your warmth. Awake. Sleeping. And now here we are. I am spinning in a circle. You have restored my crown, and your eyes overflow with boundless love and devotion.

I know you gave your life for mine so long ago. But still, daily you dazzle me with your unrestrained, uncontrolled, unreserved love.

You are always what I need, in every season, whether or not I know it.

You are love. I know you are, because I am nestled in the heart of you. I have not sung in awhile. Think I lost my song awhile back; but now our voices rise together as one, to a concerto of violins, acoustics, harps, saxophones, cellos, trumpets, flutes and harps.

You say I can’t stay. That it’s not time for us to dance together forevermore, but how can I turn my back on you, my lifeline?

You say my eyes rival your stars, and I believe you because you lovingly molded every part of me.


And so I pray……..


Let me not die in this wilderness. This desert is treacherous. Snakes, scorpions, manholes, demon-holes, darkness so thick I couldn’t find my mouth to eat.

I fear I haven’t much will left to fight. To do anything.

Lately I have thought more and more of you. Had moment after moment of quiet reflection; often pensively staring into the vast illusionary nothingness of the atmosphere around me.

You and I have walked this path together. Since 2004, and counting. Sometimes I have loved you with a fierce passionate obsession that no rational explanation can justify.

At other times I have only passed you a cursory greeting as I wake and when I am going to sleep.

Often we talk, and your voice like the wind nudges my spirit to dance and soar with you.

At other times, relentless you will drive me to do your will.

Every time I open my heart, my mind, my spirit, you are there. So within reach, I feel your love course through my veins. You love me so, I can’t understand why most days. How you defend and protect me baffles me always; awake, sleeping.

And yet coming to you is a mountain-climb, each step like that of a woman chained and can’t escape. But still, I make my way to you, and even though my steps are heavy, my heart soars, light as a brush of air with each step, eager to be tethered to you, always.

Now I know my choices are my own; and often I trip, fall on my face,  get up again, only to stray back to my old ways.

But like a wounded bird you tend to all my injuries and nurse me back to health.

So I pray: Let me not die in this wilderness.

As I stand on this balcony and feel the brush of the wind on my face and in my hair, I wish I could fly with birds wings to you, wherever you are; but you remind me that you are right here, and were you solid, our embrace would be eternal.

You and I love endlessly.

I cannot escape you, and have no desire to escape you.

Now I am running. Running to you. I know your golden sceptre is forever held out. My eternal welcome. The curtain ripped in two when you gave your life for mine, awaits my entrance. And so I run. And as you the king of kings forever interceding for me rise up to meet me, my heart pours at your feet.


Like oil, I pool at your feet, afraid to lift my face. I am not sure the scent wafting off of me is pleasing, but you will not leave. You will not let go.

So I will ride with you, rising with the sun, and setting with it, in the knowledge, the sun will rise again, and again, and again, every other day.






Time Won’t Stop #birthmonthDecember


The air is soft, cool.
Its clouds, my face they hold fondly as no lover.

I am wrapped in the hand of a clock

my eyes locked on its crux, willing it to remain immovable

Be here.


The road that takes you, keeps you where you go.

My heart stops with each strike of the clock,

You will not find me alive, I fear.


Tangled in the threads of time, I will not stop, even when desperate:

The choice out of my hands


Blast my nonchalance.

I want very much to say I love you

But I fear you will not hear

You will not understand.


Lost in this myriad of thorns,

I pray the wind will carry my message




My Dreams are Red #birthmonthDecember




Tell me your dreams again, he said. So I did………………………………………

In my dreams are claws that shred skin and draw blood. Shadows long that grow with each stride and dark mists that hide the sun.

Last night I had a vision of him, oceans away.

The sky was varying shades of red, the river between us a black swirling, boiling mass of mystery beckoning.

My feet tasted glass, and my skin felt as though recently dipped in boiling oil.

When I looked at my chest, a gaping hole stared back.

He held my beating heart in his hands ready to crush it.

Beside me a caged nightingale moaned her freedom;

And lightning and thunder crackled and rumbled above us.

He lifted my crux, ready to cast it into the sea.

I fell on my knees, my life force slowly slipping away as he squeezed the life out of my faintly beating heart, oblivious to my outstretched hand.

His eyes I could not see, as the mist thickened and wove its web about me tighter with each tick of the clock.

Soon enough I was hanging by the thread of the mist, suspended in the maze, in a daze.

As consciousness deserted me, I heard footsteps and opened my eyes certain help had found me.

In the face that looked a little like the Angel Gabriel.

But he flew over me to the other side and together they ripped my heart in two; each now holding me captive.

I closed my eyes, ready to die. In spite of my white flag.

But a flicker of light, a torch; came on, and I thought maybe there’s still a way out of this hell.



Dance with the Divine #Phatfest16 #Ugblogweek


I can see it now. Awake, asleep-I dream daily of it. Dream of songs that like lemon drops or honey drips, will melt all my troubles away and give me wings to soar with the wind.

In my mind’s eye, visions of angelic voices and souls dancing to one song. The song of the divine.

I heard someone pray God bless them with a ticket to the festival of all time.

Another wished for a magical wand to wish the days into oblivion so the day would dawn to the festival. Schools bought tickets for their students to be part of the dance with the divine at the festival.

I overhead some retired generals getting excited about kwepena, sack racing, and Duulu.

Everyone. Everyone wishes upon #phatfest16.


I have my T. Shirt pressed and ready, but looking about me, more and more can’t wait for 10th December and are wearing theirs already as though to remind themselves it’s no longer just fantasy.


cx8cehbwiai8yawMy neighbor told me she bought her ticket at quality supermarket, and my cousin through payway, and twitter and face book won’t stop talking about it.

I see it written in God’s hand, shooting across the sky. I have to be there.

Once upon  a time legendary King- David tore his clothes off to dance for the greatest King of all.

His son and heir King Solomon has written endless songs of love and expressed passionate love to the divine.

They gave; withholding nothing.

Now that #phatfest16 is here, I will sing and dance for the King of all.

I see it now as it will be. Zabuli. Chris Erroh. Ruyonga. D. Reign. Holy Keane. Sobre. Majic Mike. Tio.

I almost forgot those surprise artists who cannot be named- just yet.What a collection of treasure troves.

under my skin #Ugblogweek




It tingles.

Shimmers right before it explodes;
Just underneath my skin-
In its wake goosies, restlessness, a spongebob head
It’s obvious you’re meant for me.

My crux swells, and am short of breath
Whoosh I have to slow my breathin
So I don’t suffocate
There are bugs crawling just beneath the surface
can’t keep still
and everything but you recedes further and further
till I am oblivious to all ‘cept these sensations.


Did I just ran a marathon unawares?
Feels like I am standing outside myself
And watching me from the side
Losing myself till
Even I have ceased
But the love bugs persistent tease my senses
And render me immobile.


Just under my skin
A furnace of seven suns melts every pore of resistance
And I pour all over you
Flesh and bone
It’s obvious you’re meant for me.

Shards of your Love #Ugblogweek




We ran into each other in the parking lot of Serena hotel. Not our first chance encounter.

Seeing you, standing next to you, talking to you for that spell of three minutes;

I could swear my heart beat faster than time itself, as I memorized each inflection in your tone.

I remember my legs move of their own volition to you, and for a change I didn’t contemplate that seeing you for so short a time would rapture my heart to shards.

The world ceased and all I could do was feel as you stared deep into my eyes; excited as I was but unable to reach out. My head spun, tangled in threads of emotion unfathomable and while there was so much to say, I was content to just be with you.

Words could wait.

You smiled. Surprised. Pleased at our chance encounter.

Later, standing in the International Press Room, I watched you drive away with my heart.

I don’t see you often, but not a breath goes by without my mind, heart and body whispering your name.


But for now, Pieces of your love blow my way, carried on the wings of the wind.

A call, an accidental meeting, a whatsapp text, or a drop in my text messages

A meeting where only our eyes do the talking

Sometimes a writer will write about you, so I get a glimpse of your picture in a newspaper or on my TV screen.

Pieces of your love; bread crumbs I get to keep me dancing to a tune I can’t resist.

A fire smoldering beneath my breast bone; the shadows in the flames neither dark nor long enough to conceal stray thoughts; all of them-

Everything else is an echo. Only you.

Reserved, restrained, almost wild but not quite when you’re with me

Black and White #Ugblogweek




I took a trek down memory lane, certain a vital piece of me had chipped off and tangled with the sands of time.

Certain the hour –glass was all churned up and spiraling out of control because of my mistakes, I carefully retraced my steps.

I was careful not to make any sudden unnecessary movements, lest I unsettle whatever last chance I had to put things to rights.

So I tiptoed-looking right, left, up, down- all in a bid to keep a grip on all the corners of my universe.

It couldn’t fall apart again. I wouldn’t let it.

But what struck me first was the crowd of people all around me. Each desperate to reclaim the good old times.

Some had swollen ankles, others bruised toes while most had cried themselves to numbness.

A woman before me eager for the time she’d been heavy with promise before the loss of her baby tried to reach out for the moment before it’d all fallen apart. To immortalize it so the joy would stay. But it rode out of reach on the wings of the morning mist.
And she kept jumping high as she could, but the past was past.

Then it dawned on me, no amount of going back in time would right whatever was already done. The salt I tasted on my tongue right then, regrets wasted.

As the hourglass tumbled to the floor, it occurred to me that I need to rush to the present and make sure to make every moment last forever.

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