Self is my oldest flame-my greatest love. But I have come to realize, the more I think of myself, the more burdensome life gets.
So, out with the old(Self)- in with the new(Jesus).
2 Corinthians 3:18
1 John 4:4 (NKJV)4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
1 John 4:17 (KJV)
17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
I then began to reflect on my shortcomings, because what was so easy for me to reject before had become so easy for me to accept. Weeks before, I had began to give in to things I knew my father God frowned upon.
Things like lust which I was certain I was immune to became so acceptable to me.
I was praying more than ever, but my flesh and inclination to sin also seemed to be more alive than ever.
Then God showed me that every time sin rears it’s ugly head,
Isaiah 59:19-21 (KJV)
19 So shall they fear the name of the Lord from the west, and his glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.
Also God showed me we were cleaning house, and in the process of cleaning house, carpets must be removed, furniture moved, and light must be shone in all the darkest spaces so there’s a total cleansing.
So all my vices were coming to the fore- one at a time and the stronger they appeared, the more I felt the need to rely on God because my past ways of dealing with sin which included suppression, avoidance, self-hatred and relying on my own wisdom were not going to work.
God is holy and only he can reveal what that looks like in truth.
The more I rely on my own strength, the more I strive, and the harder I fall.
Thank God for who he is, his gentleness, his unconditional love- all of which combined showed me that by accepting my ‘Self’ to rule, I was being shortchanged.
Now I know that being a reflection of God is my true nature and every time I substitute Christ’s likeness for worldly pleasure, my heart breaks.
Just like a baby, I cannot live without the milk that only the Holy Spirit can give me.
I tried hating myself- thinking if I hated myself for sin, it’d discourage me from doing it. However, I find, in judging myself thus, I am judging everybody else thus.
17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Hate did not move Jesus to die for me.
He wants me to see myself as He is.
Free from sin
A worthy vessel, only complete in him.
So back to laying down old flames- I am not yet all I should be, but little by little, Christ is gaining ground in all of me, and I am excited for the day my heart, and soul shall mirror His.