Holding this cup in my hand, I swirl its contents round and round. My eyes moving with it’s motion. I want to lose myself in the chaos in that cup. I want to forget. Turn my mind off. I can’t. So I deal.

Your word tells me you’re everywhere. So I take it you’re here. So why is it so quiet on your end, and yet so stormy- such a hurricane in my head?

I can’t sleep without hell wrecking havoc in my night and turning my dreams to nightmares.

The fear that I taste on my tongue; where did it come from? Why am I afraid of my own shadow?

Faith. Faith. Faith. One word. And yet, it’s everything.

Can you be my faith? Believe for me? I haven’t much will left to fight.

You promised to be strength in my weakness. Can you be my prayer today. You gave your life for mine.

Would I give mine for you. I’d love to think so.

On my right I watch the swaying motion of my cream curtains, and imagine my mind slowing down just a little.

I don’t need to understand everything but I want to.

I want to know the future. Even though there’s little I might change about it.

Peace that surpasses all human understanding. One more promise.

I could use some right now.  These lights that glow about me, like little stars I could hold in my hands. They remind of you.

I bet the word beautiful can’t describe you, because you are beyond description, or human comprehension.

So I can’t pretend to know your will; at least not right now. It appears your back is turned on me. Why? I don’t know. But am certain whatever it is, I can change your mind.

You wept for Lazarus, but you died for me.

Literally took captivity captive. Made the end a new beginning.

So I must be pretty important right. I am going to hang in there.

Wait in this silence that breaks my heart with each breath. I am going to hound you, and tear my skin off if need be, because someone who gave His life for me must love me right?

You made me just right. For a time of your choosing. And a purpose of your determination.

I am going to wait on your promise to give me your yolk which you say is easy.

Today I will just lay at your feet until you find some value for me that  I am unaware of.