I know what I must do. I think of it- day and night-awake-sleeping. Occasionally I taste it on my tongue, breath it in, and tear it all up.
My duty to self- my duty to family- my duty to employer- my duty to the world.
The frustration is in the sweat, in the blood pumping through my veins, in every eye I meet, in every blink of an eye.
It stays will it away though I try.
Sometimes it freezes my body movements to mechanical robotic motions. So heavy is the burden I cannot keep up.
So I breath in, breath out, hold my chest tight and try to breath fast so the thoughts and reality keep out of my head- out of my heart-
somehow it always finds its way through and we are back to the same place we began.
I try to move forward- but find myself five paces before. Like a leaf in a tornado. I am not fighting the currents- under-above-inside-outside-all arage.
I guess some people know what the future looks like- some are holding it in their hands- for some it’s like sand sifting through their hands.
Still we ride the same bus- rubbing shoulders- smiling with poker faces- the heart wishing it could beat faster than time and save some of what’s been lost.