2009-6-25 Lone Man No 20 - Final 7-1-2009 500

If I am climbing the walls, at least let it be away from prying eyes
If my sanity has deserted me, then nobody needs to know
If today is a nightmare, let it stay in my dreams
If breathing is too painful, let it be
Why am I so emotional?

Being human is what it is, you sometimes don’t get a choice
When your mind rejects common sense,
You let the divine take the lead
If eating has become an ordeal
I will convince myself, that this is nothing new
If every breath is too painful to bear, it is what it is

I spend every day convincing myself this is not real
That somehow I crash landed on the wrong coast
That somehow sense has deserted me
And putting one foot in front of the other is not as easy as it used to be

My eyes are constantly stinging

I live half a life, one trapped in memories and illusions, the other battling daily realities

Parts of me have become jaded, and chipped

Everyday is a struggle to stay afloat, for I am sinking fast

Expectations lay flat, because to expect is to lose

Ghosts of all shapes, spring up every time,

Echoes of the voice, smiles, gestures, reactions, every word, every move, all haunt me

And the story goes on, because I have become something I despise

I am not this person and I refuse to be