I have something to say, it’s been one of those days, when I am finding it hard to believe in you. It is one of those days, when faith means there won’t be any answers today, when hope means enduring through the night. I have even forgotten how to pray, I get on my knees, and there’s just tears streaming down my face. I am finding it hard to see, believe, or even accept the truth. It feels like you are slipping away, like I am alone, and what was black and white is grey. My head clutched between my long slim fingers, it feels like a crisis of fate.
The trembling won’t stop, help me not to forget in the darkness, the things I have always believed, just because it does not make any more sense.
I’ve got something to say, it is on of those days, and I hope you can hear me. So that you can protect me from me. I have just realized that sometimes, I can be my worst enemy.
Closing my eyes, I see myself walking a tight rope, hoping desperately I don’t wrap it round my neck. The despair I wear like a cloak of death, I want to discard, but lying here, I don’t want to get up, I want to lie here, and just thrust caution to the winds.
Once I considered myself found, but found and lost at the same time. The one question on my mind, WHY NOT ME? I see success, I see hope, happiness, love, warmth, acceptance, excellence, generosity, miracles all around, but why am I not part of it.
Now the tears are coming harder and faster, and the lines are blurred, everything looks the same, all are a threat to my sanity. Can anybody hear me?
I have something to say, and I hope it reaches you in time, so you can rush to me, because sometimes the world I love so much tips and throws its weight on me, and only your big kind arms, lovely face, and limitless strength can save me now.