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Olive Branches

"the depth of me"

Between the Tides

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Unlock my ears to hear your voice,

let me unravel at the brush of your breath on my neck,

as a furnace explodes in my chest,

my eyes eternally level with yours,

your eyes-the bright depth of a sunny sky.

Your voice has the power of thunder but the calming effect of an afternoon breeze

I want to hear all you say

my heart to the rhythm of your heartbeat,

but the tide rages and roars in my ears

my body alive and aflame to many passions and desires

they rip through me, and shred all logic.

 

I am now only an extension of the ebb and flow of the wind, sun, earth and sea,

I fight for what I cannot see,

I want what is denied me,

and reject what is offered me.

 

You say you’ve loved me since before the sands of time where made,

so I lounge on this beach and sift the sand through my fingers.

You say you love me still,

so I close my eyes and picture you, because I cannot see you

You say my worship is your fire,

so I lose myself in the melody of you

 

Am I truly chosen as yours?

It doesn’t feel that way,

but you say to live carnally is death

so how do I embrace and keep you,

and know that with every sensation, you are

that every rush of beauty, in taste, feel, sound, sight

is your love resounding

 

 

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The Belonging

 

 

I am His belonging.

Because I am His belonging, He sets me securely on high ground and hems me in.

He honors me because I am His. He is committed to me as I am to Him.

I am deeply loved, cherished, and he delivers me from the arrows that fly in the day and the pestilence by night.

No evil or terror shall come near me. I know His name. The name above all names. He is my habitation.

No trouble will overwhelm me, because I am His. He goes before me, and after me, and every moment in between for I am the apple of His eye.

I will walk through fire and not be burned because He treasures me more than His own life.

Deserts flood with rivers because in Him is only life. In His eyes I am the lily of valleys and rose of Sharon.

Oceans part before me, at the whisper of His name. My heart yields and melts in His peace.

He adores the sound of my voice and endlessly nudges me to sing to His heartbeat. His Chambers are forever open to me. His love tastes better than ageless wine. He is the sun shining on me, and the whisper of the wind all around and inside me.

I am the sweet perfume He so loves to fill His atmosphere and His courts. He is my adornment. He says my eyes are two doves.

His banner over me is love, and His fruit is sweet to my taste.

His left hand is under my head, and His right hand embraces me. He says my lips drip nectar- honey and milk are under my tongue. In me He finds no fault. I am drunk on love. My heart remains awake, even when I am asleep.

Now the day breathes, and the shadows flee. I am His, He is mine.

Love’s True Face

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All was lost

The markings on my grave certain

the world was returned to dust

hope was salty cold ash on parched lips

light was turned to a scarlet darkness

And then you crashed over me and  into me

Taught my feet to dance again

Love looks good on you

Keep your eyes on the God in me

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I love you. At least I think I do.

These doubts you have. They are many. Would that I could paint you a perfect expanse, a perfect universe! You want perfection. When I say no one is perfect, you say, you don’t want perfection- but you do.

Your heart often says more than your lips.

I can feel the panic leaping through layers of skin, experience, scars, insecurity, and the uncertainty of all that you cannot predict or prevent.

I would ask that you forget. Close the curtain on all past hurts and wrongs, and tell you that the God in me is enough for both of us.

But I am not sure you’d understand. It’s no simple matter.

So my heart aches for the little boy inside you who worries that the world is worse than it appears.

I weep for the person you could be if you trusted a little more; trusted that God does not simply keep a bird’s eye view on you, but is a part of your DNA, and has placed such greatness in you.

I pray for the day you will smile with neither shadows in your heart nor your eyes.

Let God be your best friend.

I pray God will be the only footprint you leave wherever you set foot.

And that the true unconditional love you’re afraid to hope for is exactly what steals your heart and keeps it.

Yours is a heart that cares deeply,

yours is a heart that hits like a fist I can’t come back from.

But I pray more than all things that you come to see that the kind of love you seek, Christ has already given you, and that is you opened your incredible eyes a tad wider, and your mind a lot more, and had faith as that of a mustard seed, clarity would be yours for the taking.

So, when you see me, when you desire me, when you dream of me, and when you worry that perchance our differences are too great, see the God in me, and realize that nothing separates us at all.

That all you feel we ought to know about each other is written on our heavenly Father’s heart.

To be honest

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My heart has not known a moment of peace

the air around me is unsettled

constantly shimmering with your essence

I get on my knees

unsure whether to pray that this be taken away

or that it be given form

 

I worry that if I am honest

I lose

that if I accept the possibility of this

I am setting myself up for another mouthful of heartache

 

And no I don’t know how to be;

in the heart of the music,

in my minds eye,

I am dancing in circles, happy, free:

 

the drumbeats however

are a constant reminder of past hoof-beats

and the wind carries a different song of endless possibilities

meanwhile inside my heart

the flame that once glowed, flares, full blown

the scarlets and blues cloud my never clear vision

 

The confusion is as a cup of twisted ribbons of rainbows

some sing of hope, some sing of confusion

but at the heart of it all is you

and the fact

I can’t stop thinking about you

 

Love Lifted me

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On the wings of a sapphire dove

left wing dusted with silver,

right wing dusted with gold

Love lifted me

in the heart of four winds

His throne

 

the train of his robe billows around me

drawing me in

His face has the appearance of jasper and carnelian,

his eyes are twin flames of fire

and around his throne

a rainbow with the appearance of an emerald

 

Even with eyes closed

his love like liquid gold

I feel, I taste,

seeping into my skin

my veins a vibration to music

he’s written on my heart

in swirls of colors blue, purple, snow white, yellow, red, green

 

God. Love.

 

For Lazarus Christ Wept… Would He weep over Me?

 

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Holding this cup in my hand, I swirl its contents round and round. My eyes moving with it’s motion. I want to lose myself in the chaos in that cup. I want to forget. Turn my mind off. I can’t. So I deal.

Your word tells me you’re everywhere. So I take it you’re here. So why is it so quiet on your end, and yet so stormy- such a hurricane in my head?

I can’t sleep without hell wrecking havoc in my night and turning my dreams to nightmares.

The fear that I taste on my tongue; where did it come from? Why am I afraid of my own shadow?

Faith. Faith. Faith. One word. And yet, it’s everything.

Can you be my faith? Believe for me? I haven’t much will left to fight.

You promised to be strength in my weakness. Can you be my prayer today. You gave your life for mine.

Would I give mine for you. I’d love to think so.

On my right I watch the swaying motion of my cream curtains, and imagine my mind slowing down just a little.

I don’t need to understand everything but I want to.

I want to know the future. Even though there’s little I might change about it.

Peace that surpasses all human understanding. One more promise.

I could use some right now.  These lights that glow about me, like little stars I could hold in my hands. They remind of you.

I bet the word beautiful can’t describe you, because you are beyond description, or human comprehension.

So I can’t pretend to know your will; at least not right now. It appears your back is turned on me. Why? I don’t know. But am certain whatever it is, I can change your mind.

You wept for Lazarus, but you died for me.

Literally took captivity captive. Made the end a new beginning.

So I must be pretty important right. I am going to hang in there.

Wait in this silence that breaks my heart with each breath. I am going to hound you, and tear my skin off if need be, because someone who gave His life for me must love me right?

You made me just right. For a time of your choosing. And a purpose of your determination.

I am going to wait on your promise to give me your yolk which you say is easy.

Today I will just lay at your feet until you find some value for me that  I am unaware of.

Lover of my soul………

 

The candor of your love leaps off the pages of the universe this day.

You wrote me a letter last night; ‘I can’t wait for you to see the dawn tomorrow. I have painted it with you in mind.’

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Riding to work this morning, I saw your eyes in the fiery golden rays of the dawn of a new day.

I stumbled upon a rose; a lone red figure among greens, and thought: my friend must be saying hello.

So I looked at the moon, yet to completely fade and traced it with my palm. A wave to you.

Today I needed my best friend; so I closed my eyes and prayed for a  meet: and there we were, together, foreheads touching, in the heart of a rainbow.

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Today your crown stops my heart. Jasper. Gold pure as glass. Sapphire. Agate. onyx. Chalcedony. Emeralds. Ruby. Chrysolite. Beryl.Topaz. Turquoise. Jacinth. Amethyst. All these jewels winking at me.

My eyes blink open and close successively, staggered by you.

The walls around me are crafted in pearls clear as the air; I can see for miles on every side.

And the music. God, the music in your presence brings me to my knees. And when I cry, its for the exploding fireworks of joy in my heart.

I want to stay here. Forever. Like this. You weave time to your bidding, so nothing but you matters.

Now you hold two stars in your hands, between us. The play of light bouncing on and off. Are we dancing on light rays? Could we truly be dancing and flying all at once?

More than two millennia ago you put a crown on my head, but feeling abandoned I discarded it. Two millennia is a long time

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Even so, I have felt your warmth. Awake. Sleeping. And now here we are. I am spinning in a circle. You have restored my crown, and your eyes overflow with boundless love and devotion.

I know you gave your life for mine so long ago. But still, daily you dazzle me with your unrestrained, uncontrolled, unreserved love.

You are always what I need, in every season, whether or not I know it.

You are love. I know you are, because I am nestled in the heart of you. I have not sung in awhile. Think I lost my song awhile back; but now our voices rise together as one, to a concerto of violins, acoustics, harps, saxophones, cellos, trumpets, flutes and harps.

You say I can’t stay. That it’s not time for us to dance together forevermore, but how can I turn my back on you, my lifeline?

You say my eyes rival your stars, and I believe you because you lovingly molded every part of me.

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And so I pray……..

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Let me not die in this wilderness. This desert is treacherous. Snakes, scorpions, manholes, demon-holes, darkness so thick I couldn’t find my mouth to eat.

I fear I haven’t much will left to fight. To do anything.

Lately I have thought more and more of you. Had moment after moment of quiet reflection; often pensively staring into the vast illusionary nothingness of the atmosphere around me.

You and I have walked this path together. Since 2004, and counting. Sometimes I have loved you with a fierce passionate obsession that no rational explanation can justify.

At other times I have only passed you a cursory greeting as I wake and when I am going to sleep.

Often we talk, and your voice like the wind nudges my spirit to dance and soar with you.

At other times, relentless you will drive me to do your will.

Every time I open my heart, my mind, my spirit, you are there. So within reach, I feel your love course through my veins. You love me so, I can’t understand why most days. How you defend and protect me baffles me always; awake, sleeping.

And yet coming to you is a mountain-climb, each step like that of a woman chained and can’t escape. But still, I make my way to you, and even though my steps are heavy, my heart soars, light as a brush of air with each step, eager to be tethered to you, always.

Now I know my choices are my own; and often I trip, fall on my face,  get up again, only to stray back to my old ways.

But like a wounded bird you tend to all my injuries and nurse me back to health.

So I pray: Let me not die in this wilderness.

As I stand on this balcony and feel the brush of the wind on my face and in my hair, I wish I could fly with birds wings to you, wherever you are; but you remind me that you are right here, and were you solid, our embrace would be eternal.

You and I love endlessly.

I cannot escape you, and have no desire to escape you.

Now I am running. Running to you. I know your golden sceptre is forever held out. My eternal welcome. The curtain ripped in two when you gave your life for mine, awaits my entrance. And so I run. And as you the king of kings forever interceding for me rise up to meet me, my heart pours at your feet.

 

Like oil, I pool at your feet, afraid to lift my face. I am not sure the scent wafting off of me is pleasing, but you will not leave. You will not let go.

So I will ride with you, rising with the sun, and setting with it, in the knowledge, the sun will rise again, and again, and again, every other day.

 

 

 

 

 

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