‘I am tired of waiting in the wings.’ That’s me wining again.
‘Take a seat.’ He says ‘Lay your head on my lap, and listen’
‘But I’ve had my ear bent to hear your voice this entire time. What new thing could you possibly say to me now?’
‘That you ask that question in itself should reveal to you where your ear has been- because it’s not been bent toward me.’ He says this with a rebuke on His face, but I can tell He’s not angry.
‘I have loved you eternally. There’s not a desire in your heart I cannot give. More than you, I want all your dreams to come to pass.’
‘Love? Are you joking? What kind of person saves a lamb only to cast it to wolves? You say you love me, but I don’t feel loved. I literally have to beg for love handouts from jaded individuals whose concept of love is either lust or exploitation.’
‘And what of you? Have you loved? Show me one person you have loved unconditionally?’ he asks
‘But I cannot give what I do not have.’ I grudgingly respond.
‘That is not true. For as long as you have me as your motive for everything you do and give, you have love.’
‘See the green around you?’
I look around me and see endless lush green fields, and falling leaves.
‘There’s my faithfulness.’ he runs his hands through my hair and tilts my face to his.
‘When will you stop running from me?’ ‘Why is it so hard for you to trust me?’
‘Hebrews 13:8 says that you never change. I don’t understand you. I cannot predict you, I cannot manipulate you, and I cannot change you. I think you’re too strict. Too rigid for me.’
‘Change is not in my nature. Besides why would you want to change me?’ He asks
‘Change is farmiliar.’ I should be able to manipulate you- you know, hide a few things from you, move you with my tears. I need you unconditionally on my side.’
‘I am always on your side. And I am moved by your heart- a true heart full of faith.’
‘It doesn’t feel like you’re on my side most days. I mean, seriously- you hold the world in your hands, you can move and change anything you want at any time, but why am I crumbling under the weights of life. I feel like I am literally carrying everything alone- why why why?’ Now I am on my feet jumping up and down in anger.
He pats the empty seat next to him and beckons me to return to His side.
‘Peace be still. You’re my child, and you will always be, but I expect you to behave maturely. Let wisdom be your best friend. And trust me.’ He says. ‘Keep your eyes on me. Your hand is securely held in mine. I am with you every step of the way. There’s nowhere you go that I have not been.’
Tears running down my face, I ask. ‘Why is life so hard, and empty and filled with misery?’
‘Keep your eyes on me.’
Staring into His eyes, I am comforted.
‘But I already am.’
‘Your heart has strayed again.’
‘I gave you imagination,’ he says ‘but my wisdom trumps that every time. Obey my voice. Forget what you think you know. Only my word gives life, direction, and clarity.’
‘I love you. You know that right?’ I ask