My heart has not known a moment of peace
the air around me is unsettled
constantly shimmering with your essence
I get on my knees
unsure whether to pray that this be taken away
or that it be given form
I worry that if I am honest
that if I accept the possibility of this
I am setting myself up for another mouthful of heartache
And no I don’t know how to be;
in the heart of the music,
in my minds eye,
I am dancing in circles, happy, free:
the drumbeats however
are a constant reminder of past hoof-beats
and the wind carries a different song of endless possibilities
meanwhile inside my heart
the flame that once glowed, flares, full blown
the scarlets and blues cloud my never clear vision
The confusion is as a cup of twisted ribbons of rainbows
some sing of hope, some sing of confusion
but at the heart of it all is you
and the fact
I can’t stop thinking about you
On the wings of a sapphire dove
left wing dusted with silver,
right wing dusted with gold
Love lifted me
in the heart of four winds
the train of his robe billows around me
drawing me in
His face has the appearance of jasper and carnelian,
his eyes are twin flames of fire
and around his throne
a rainbow with the appearance of an emerald
Even with eyes closed
his love like liquid gold
I feel, I taste,
seeping into my skin
my veins a vibration to music
he’s written on my heart
in swirls of colors blue, purple, snow white, yellow, red, green
Holding this cup in my hand, I swirl its contents round and round. My eyes moving with it’s motion. I want to lose myself in the chaos in that cup. I want to forget. Turn my mind off. I can’t. So I deal.
Your word tells me you’re everywhere. So I take it you’re here. So why is it so quiet on your end, and yet so stormy- such a hurricane in my head?
I can’t sleep without hell wrecking havoc in my night and turning my dreams to nightmares.
The fear that I taste on my tongue; where did it come from? Why am I afraid of my own shadow?
Faith. Faith. Faith. One word. And yet, it’s everything.
Can you be my faith? Believe for me? I haven’t much will left to fight.
You promised to be strength in my weakness. Can you be my prayer today. You gave your life for mine.
Would I give mine for you. I’d love to think so.
On my right I watch the swaying motion of my cream curtains, and imagine my mind slowing down just a little.
I don’t need to understand everything but I want to.
I want to know the future. Even though there’s little I might change about it.
Peace that surpasses all human understanding. One more promise.
I could use some right now. These lights that glow about me, like little stars I could hold in my hands. They remind of you.
I bet the word beautiful can’t describe you, because you are beyond description, or human comprehension.
So I can’t pretend to know your will; at least not right now. It appears your back is turned on me. Why? I don’t know. But am certain whatever it is, I can change your mind.
You wept for Lazarus, but you died for me.
Literally took captivity captive. Made the end a new beginning.
So I must be pretty important right. I am going to hang in there.
Wait in this silence that breaks my heart with each breath. I am going to hound you, and tear my skin off if need be, because someone who gave His life for me must love me right?
You made me just right. For a time of your choosing. And a purpose of your determination.
I am going to wait on your promise to give me your yolk which you say is easy.
Today I will just lay at your feet until you find some value for me that I am unaware of.
The candor of your love leaps off the pages of the universe this day.
You wrote me a letter last night; ‘I can’t wait for you to see the dawn tomorrow. I have painted it with you in mind.’
Riding to work this morning, I saw your eyes in the fiery golden rays of the dawn of a new day.
I stumbled upon a rose; a lone red figure among greens, and thought: my friend must be saying hello.
So I looked at the moon, yet to completely fade and traced it with my palm. A wave to you.
Today I needed my best friend; so I closed my eyes and prayed for a meet: and there we were, together, foreheads touching, in the heart of a rainbow.
Today your crown stops my heart. Jasper. Gold pure as glass. Sapphire. Agate. onyx. Chalcedony. Emeralds. Ruby. Chrysolite. Beryl.Topaz. Turquoise. Jacinth. Amethyst. All these jewels winking at me.
My eyes blink open and close successively, staggered by you.
The walls around me are crafted in pearls clear as the air; I can see for miles on every side.
And the music. God, the music in your presence brings me to my knees. And when I cry, its for the exploding fireworks of joy in my heart.
I want to stay here. Forever. Like this. You weave time to your bidding, so nothing but you matters.
Now you hold two stars in your hands, between us. The play of light bouncing on and off. Are we dancing on light rays? Could we truly be dancing and flying all at once?
More than two millennia ago you put a crown on my head, but feeling abandoned I discarded it. Two millennia is a long time
Even so, I have felt your warmth. Awake. Sleeping. And now here we are. I am spinning in a circle. You have restored my crown, and your eyes overflow with boundless love and devotion.
I know you gave your life for mine so long ago. But still, daily you dazzle me with your unrestrained, uncontrolled, unreserved love.
You are always what I need, in every season, whether or not I know it.
You are love. I know you are, because I am nestled in the heart of you. I have not sung in awhile. Think I lost my song awhile back; but now our voices rise together as one, to a concerto of violins, acoustics, harps, saxophones, cellos, trumpets, flutes and harps.
You say I can’t stay. That it’s not time for us to dance together forevermore, but how can I turn my back on you, my lifeline?
You say my eyes rival your stars, and I believe you because you lovingly molded every part of me.
Let me not die in this wilderness. This desert is treacherous. Snakes, scorpions, manholes, demon-holes, darkness so thick I couldn’t find my mouth to eat.
I fear I haven’t much will left to fight. To do anything.
Lately I have thought more and more of you. Had moment after moment of quiet reflection; often pensively staring into the vast illusionary nothingness of the atmosphere around me.
You and I have walked this path together. Since 2004, and counting. Sometimes I have loved you with a fierce passionate obsession that no rational explanation can justify.
At other times I have only passed you a cursory greeting as I wake and when I am going to sleep.
Often we talk, and your voice like the wind nudges my spirit to dance and soar with you.
At other times, relentless you will drive me to do your will.
Every time I open my heart, my mind, my spirit, you are there. So within reach, I feel your love course through my veins. You love me so, I can’t understand why most days. How you defend and protect me baffles me always; awake, sleeping.
And yet coming to you is a mountain-climb, each step like that of a woman chained and can’t escape. But still, I make my way to you, and even though my steps are heavy, my heart soars, light as a brush of air with each step, eager to be tethered to you, always.
Now I know my choices are my own; and often I trip, fall on my face, get up again, only to stray back to my old ways.
But like a wounded bird you tend to all my injuries and nurse me back to health.
So I pray: Let me not die in this wilderness.
As I stand on this balcony and feel the brush of the wind on my face and in my hair, I wish I could fly with birds wings to you, wherever you are; but you remind me that you are right here, and were you solid, our embrace would be eternal.
You and I love endlessly.
I cannot escape you, and have no desire to escape you.
Now I am running. Running to you. I know your golden sceptre is forever held out. My eternal welcome. The curtain ripped in two when you gave your life for mine, awaits my entrance. And so I run. And as you the king of kings forever interceding for me rise up to meet me, my heart pours at your feet.
Like oil, I pool at your feet, afraid to lift my face. I am not sure the scent wafting off of me is pleasing, but you will not leave. You will not let go.
So I will ride with you, rising with the sun, and setting with it, in the knowledge, the sun will rise again, and again, and again, every other day.
The air is soft, cool.
Its clouds, my face they hold fondly as no lover.
I am wrapped in the hand of a clock
my eyes locked on its crux, willing it to remain immovable
The road that takes you, keeps you where you go.
My heart stops with each strike of the clock,
You will not find me alive, I fear.
Tangled in the threads of time, I will not stop, even when desperate:
The choice out of my hands
Blast my nonchalance.
I want very much to say I love you
But I fear you will not hear
You will not understand.
Lost in this myriad of thorns,
I pray the wind will carry my message
Tell me your dreams again, he said. So I did………………………………………
In my dreams are claws that shred skin and draw blood. Shadows long that grow with each stride and dark mists that hide the sun.
Last night I had a vision of him, oceans away.
The sky was varying shades of red, the river between us a black swirling, boiling mass of mystery beckoning.
My feet tasted glass, and my skin felt as though recently dipped in boiling oil.
When I looked at my chest, a gaping hole stared back.
He held my beating heart in his hands ready to crush it.
Beside me a caged nightingale moaned her freedom;
And lightning and thunder crackled and rumbled above us.
He lifted my crux, ready to cast it into the sea.
I fell on my knees, my life force slowly slipping away as he squeezed the life out of my faintly beating heart, oblivious to my outstretched hand.
His eyes I could not see, as the mist thickened and wove its web about me tighter with each tick of the clock.
Soon enough I was hanging by the thread of the mist, suspended in the maze, in a daze.
As consciousness deserted me, I heard footsteps and opened my eyes certain help had found me.
In the face that looked a little like the Angel Gabriel.
But he flew over me to the other side and together they ripped my heart in two; each now holding me captive.
I closed my eyes, ready to die. In spite of my white flag.
But a flicker of light, a torch; came on, and I thought maybe there’s still a way out of this hell.
I can see it now. Awake, asleep-I dream daily of it. Dream of songs that like lemon drops or honey drips, will melt all my troubles away and give me wings to soar with the wind.
In my mind’s eye, visions of angelic voices and souls dancing to one song. The song of the divine.
I heard someone pray God bless them with a ticket to the festival of all time.
Another wished for a magical wand to wish the days into oblivion so the day would dawn to the festival. Schools bought tickets for their students to be part of the dance with the divine at the festival.
I overhead some retired generals getting excited about kwepena, sack racing, and Duulu.
Everyone. Everyone wishes upon #phatfest16.
I have my T. Shirt pressed and ready, but looking about me, more and more can’t wait for 10th December and are wearing theirs already as though to remind themselves it’s no longer just fantasy.
My neighbor told me she bought her ticket at quality supermarket, and my cousin through payway, and twitter and face book won’t stop talking about it.
I see it written in God’s hand, shooting across the sky. I have to be there.
Once upon a time legendary King- David tore his clothes off to dance for the greatest King of all.
His son and heir King Solomon has written endless songs of love and expressed passionate love to the divine.
They gave; withholding nothing.
Now that #phatfest16 is here, I will sing and dance for the King of all.
I see it now as it will be. Zabuli. Chris Erroh. Ruyonga. D. Reign. Holy Keane. Sobre. Majic Mike. Tio.
I almost forgot those surprise artists who cannot be named- just yet.What a collection of treasure troves.